“…When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2
My every sense, member, faculty, affection, is a snare to me,
I can scarce open my eyes but I envy those above me,
or despise those below.
I covet honour and riches of the mighty,
and am proud and unmerciful to the rags of others;
If I behold beauty it is a bait to lust, or see deformity, it stirs up loathing and disdain; How soon do slanders, vain jests, and wanton speeches creep into my heart!
Am I comely? what fuel for pride!
Am I deformed? what an occasion for repining!
Am I gifted? I lust after applause!
Am I learned? how despise what I have not!
Am I in authority? how prone to abuse my trust,
make my will my law,
exclude others’ enjoyments,
serve my own interests and policy!
Am I inferior? how much I grudge others’ pre-eminence!
Am I rich? how exalted I become!
Thou knowest that all these are snares by my corruptions, and that my greatest snare is myself. I bewail that my apprehensions are dull,
my thoughts mean,
my affections stupid,
my expressions low,
my life unbeseeming;
Yes what canst thou expect of dust but levity, of corruption but defilement?
Keep me ever mindful of my natural state,
but let me not forget my heavenly title,
or the grace that can deal with every sin.
— The Valley of Vision. (2016). Self-Deprecation. The Banner of Truth Trust.
I’ve tried running.
And learned all forms of navel-gazing will never bring me one iota closer to home.
But in all this, I learned that when I bring both my burdens and my treasures to You,
(for You are the only One who can take care of both so well)
there, I find peace and hope.
And learned that with You, I am Home.
Remind me of Your truth,
the simplicity and profound mystery of it.
And in learning, teach me to love You over and again, until I see You, and love You even more then.