Clean up.

Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.
(Psalm 139 :4-6)

There is not a word in my tongue, not a vain word, nor a good word, but thou knowest it altogether, knowest what it meant, from what thought it came, and with what design it was uttered. There is not a word at my tongue’s end, ready to be spoken, yet checked and kept in, but thou knowest it.” When there is not a word in my tongue, O Lord! thou knowest all (so some read it); for thoughts are words to God.

“Thou knowest me in every part of me: Thou hast beset me behind and before, so that, go which way I will, I am under thy eye and cannot possibly escape it. Thou hast laid thy hand upon me, and I can not run away from thee.” Wherever we are we are under the eye and hand of God. perhaps it is an allusion to the physician’s laying his hand upon his patient to feel how his pulse beats or what temper he is in. God knows us as we know not only what we see, but what we feel and have our hands upon. All his saints are in his hand.
(M. Henry Commentary)

It was a week of wrap ups and farewells.
I am thankful for the end of many worries.
To breathe (with passing, or with anticipation).
I’m thankful for friendship, loyalty, and mentorship. They told me it was the ‘old way’ — a proper goodbye. A proper send off. Goodbyes that hurt. Because separations should hurt — we’ve made it without emotion now. Clean.
But I miss the tug of a good goodbye.
The joys of reunions, the unexplained lingering by the door — 15 minutes after I’ve put on my coat — not quite sure what we’re talking about but not wanting to say goodbye.
Too much food and tupperware.
Gifts — unnecessary, but valued above the item itself — they are tokens of friendship, to carry onward where our friends cannot go.
Seeing you off at the door.
Waving until you can’t see the tail lights.
Waving when you’re not sure if it’s just a shadow now.
A proper send off.
The old ways.

We say goodbye too easily these days.
A proper one causes pain, and makes you genuinely examine the choice you are about to make.

And if — after all this — the answer still is yes
Then they send you off with their warmest and fullest blessings.

That’s a proper goodbye.
(Thank you for all of this.)

Freedom. Liberty.

You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos
From the chains of a lesser law You set me free

In the silence of the heart You speak.

Freedom from.
Liberty to. 


But what for?

What have we done with our liberty?
How have we used our freedom?

[‘The Eternity of God, and Man’s Frailty’]

“The days of our lives are seventy years; And if by reason of strength they are eighty years, Yet their boast is only labor and sorrow; For it is soon cut off, and we fly away.
So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom…

And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us,
And establish the work of our hands for us;
Yes, establish the work of our hands.”
(Psalm 90)

[No. 3] Go.


There are a million truths for every lie
So speak it out loud and let it lift high
There are a million reasons to cover your eyes
But the light is shining through the darkness we hide
But the light is shining through the darkness we hide


There’s only one way to wash yourself clean
So let the dirt fall and get on your knees
There are a million scars for every mistake
Oh, but we are not chained to the secrets that we’ve made
Oh, but we are not chained to the secrets that we’ve made


This is the battle of our time, of our time now
We can’t afford not to cry, not to cry out
Shake the earth from the ground, from the ground
Rescue souls from the darkness around
(Let it shine. – All Sons & Daughters)

Thinking about the original meaning and purpose for love tonight.
If we have raised romantic love too high, the let us not forget the greater kind – a nobler kind – of love.

Time and Tide

Deep calls to deep
    at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
    have gone over me.


By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
    and at night his song is with me,
    a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God, my rock:
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
    because of the oppression of the enemy?”

As with a deadly wound in my bones,
    my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
    “Where is your God?”

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
    and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
    my salvation and my God.
– Psalm 42: 7-11

The way to forget our miseries, is to remember the God of our mercies. David saw troubles coming from God’s wrath, and that discouraged him. But if one trouble follow hard after another, if all seem to combine for our ruin, let us remember they are all appointed and overruled by the Lord.

David regards the Divine favour as the fountain of all the good he looked for. In the Saviour’s name let us hope and pray. One word from him will calm every storm, and turn midnight darkness into the light of noon, the bitterest complaints into joyful praises. Our believing expectation of mercy must quicken our prayers for it. At length, is faith came off conqueror, by encouraging him to trust in the name of the Lord, and to stay himself upon his God. He adds, And my God; this thought enabled him to triumph over all his griefs and fears.

Let us never think that the God of our life, and the Rock of our salvation, has forgotten us, if we have made his mercy, truth, and power, our refuge. Thus the psalmist strove against his despondency: at last his faith and hope obtained the victory. Let us learn to check all unbelieving doubts and fears. Apply the promise first to ourselves, and then plead it to God. 

… Note, It may be of great use to us to think our good thoughts over again, and, if we do not gain our point with them at first, perhaps we may the second time; however, where the heart goes along with the words, it is no vain repetition. We have need to press the same thing over and over again upon our hearts, and all little enough.
– M. Henry


The lot is cast into the lap,
    but its every decision is from the Lord. – Proverbs 16:33


“The divine Providence orders and directs those things which to us are perfectly casual and fortuitous. Nothing comes to pass by chance, nor is an event determined by a blind fortune, but every thing by the will and counsel of God. What man has neither eye nor hand in God is intimately concerned in.

When solemn appeals are made to Providence by the casting of lots, for the deciding of that matter of moment which could not otherwise be at all, or not so well, decided, God must be eyed in it, by prayer, that it may be disposed aright, and by acquiescing in it when it is disposed, being satisfied that the hand of God is in it and that hand directed by infinite wisdom. All the disposals of Providence concerning our affairs we must look upon to be the directing of our lot, the determining of what we referred to God, and must be reconciled to them accordingly.” (M. Henry)


Psalm 73: 23-28

23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
    you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will receive me to glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

27 For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
    you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
28 But for me it is good to be near God;
    I have made the Lord God my refuge,
    that I may tell of all your works.